I'm in that kinda mood again.
Welcome to this place where exit signs are broken and all your windows breathe smoke. Say hello to mixtures of confusion and self-indulgence, a place that harbors innocent guilt. Get ready to be married to your worst enemy, the only reason you have for living. Make sure you’re ready to live your life as someone you are not, because all your mirrors are broken and you cannot remember what you look like anymore. Get used to your stomach turning each day from the malnutrition that working to stay alive will bring. Make yourself immune to broken promises and apologies because you’d rather let her take advantage of you then lose your worst enemy, your reason for living. Understand that you will leave your lover black and save yourself. Understand that you’ll stay with your lover until you are black, while they save themselves. Witness fires consume your home and be so utterly shocked at losing your entire life to flames that you forgot five minutes ago she was throwing gasoline on your furniture so you would need her again. Make covering your face an involuntary action when the alarm goes off, because the sunlight entering your room lets you see her for what she really is. Be aware that every single night that you go to sleep with her, you’re falling asleep with a gun in your mouth. Savor it, this is happiness..
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Law of Attraction? Bullshit. Everything and everyone is an illusion.
The Law of Attraction simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about. Your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. But the Law of Attraction gives rise to some tough questions that don’t seem to have good answers. I would say that these problems aren’t caused by the Law of Attraction itself but rather by the Law of Attraction as applied to objective reality.
These questions seem to weaken the legitimacy of the Law of Attraction. Sometimes people answer them by going pretty far out. For example, it’s been said that a young child experiences abuse because he/she intended it or earned it during a past life. Well, sure… we can explain just about anything if we bring past lives into the equation, but IMO that’s a cop-out. On the other hand, objective reality without the Law of Attraction doesn’t provide satisfactory answers either, supposedly some kids are just born unlucky. That’s a cop-out too.I’ve never been satisfied by others’ answers to these questions, and they’re pretty important questions if the Law of Attraction is to be believed. Some books hint at the solution but never really nail it. That nail, however, can be found in the concept of subjective reality.
Subjective Reality is a belief system in which (1) there is only one consciousness, (2) you are that singular consciousness, and (3) everything and everyone in your reality is a projection of your thoughts.
You may not see it yet, but subjective reality neatly answers all these tricky Law of Attraction questions. Let me ’splain….
In subjective reality there’s only one consciousness, and it’s yours. Consequently, there’s only one source of intentions in your universe = YOU. While you may observe lots of walking, talking bodies in your reality, they all exist inside your consciousness. You know this is how your dreams work, but you haven’t yet realized your waking reality is just another type of dream. It only seems solid because you believe (intend) it is.
Since none of the other characters you encounter are conscious in a way that’s separate from you, nobody else can have intentions. The only intentions are yours. You’re the only thinker in this universe.
It’s important to correctly define the YOU in subjective reality. YOU are not your physical body. This is not the egoistic you at all. I’m not suggesting you’re a conscious body walking around in a world full of unconscious automatons. That would be a total misunderstanding of subjective reality. The correct viewpoint is that you’re the single consciousness in which this entire reality takes place.
Imagine you’re having a dream. In that dream what exactly are YOU? Are YOU the physical dream character you identify with? No, of course not — that’s just your dream avatar. YOU are the dreamer. The entire dream occurs within your consciousness. All dream characters are projections of your dream thoughts, including your avatar. In fact, if you learn lucid dreaming you can even switch avatars in your dream by possessing another character. In a lucid dream, you can do anything you believe you can.
Physical reality works the same way. This is a denser universe than what you experience in your sleeping dreams, so changes occur a bit more gradually here. But this reality still conforms to your thoughts just like a sleeping dream. YOU are the dreamer in which all of this is taking place.
The idea that other people have intentions is an illusion because other people are just projections. Of course, if you strongly believe other people have intentions, then that’s the dream you’ll create for yourself. But ultimately it’s still an illusion.
Monday, January 26, 2009
pro-life/pro-choice.
Today after my english exam, I went back to bre's house to get lifted with her over some gravities. As usual, we got into a political debate. This time it was about abortion. The conversation led into this while she was discussing God and faith. (Side note: Bre and I are both very stubborn individuals, but this applies to me in a different sense than it does to her. I don't know when to stop trying to make people see a different way; She doesn't know when to stop trying to make people see her way.) She started off by saying that preservation of life is of the utmost importance and it is a gift/miracle that no one should have the right to take away from somebody, especially when that somebody doesn't have a voice of their own to speak for them, yet.
I countered this with a light-hearted joke, "If you're against aborting a pregnancy when the fetus is not much else besides a bundle of cells, you must be against transplants." She pressed on and so I entertained the argument with the notions of separating Church from State. This is America. Not one of our laws or amendments are influenced or dominated by religion. If you would like to live in a country where religion presides over all else, I suggest you move to a third-world country. With freedom of religion comes freedom of choice. We cannot please all of the pissed off Christians and Catholics by making abortion illegal without promoting the idea that one religion is more dominant or more powerful in this country than another. I continued by pointing out that her belief in the preservation of life has sprouted from her religion and not everyone shares the same beliefs as her. It almost seemed as if she was disgusted or baffled even, by the idea of someone who did not/could not believe in God.
If you take away a woman's right to choose to abort a pregnancy, you also take away her freedom of religion. Women have come so far in the past 100 years, to take away a woman's right to choose is a taking a step backwards. Of course there was no persuading my friend, but I knew that prior to initiating the conversation. A strong faith in God tends to transcend all else; It even clouds and blinds people's perceptions of non-believers. I tried my very best to show her that religion should not mix with politics, but often does. I tried to illustrate how impossible it would be to submit to one person's religion without pissing off another individual's. In a country as vast and diverse as America, individuals such as my friend Bre need to be more tolerant and apprehending of the concept of separating church from state.
Feel free to disagree.
I will surely let your ideas coexist with my own.
I countered this with a light-hearted joke, "If you're against aborting a pregnancy when the fetus is not much else besides a bundle of cells, you must be against transplants." She pressed on and so I entertained the argument with the notions of separating Church from State. This is America. Not one of our laws or amendments are influenced or dominated by religion. If you would like to live in a country where religion presides over all else, I suggest you move to a third-world country. With freedom of religion comes freedom of choice. We cannot please all of the pissed off Christians and Catholics by making abortion illegal without promoting the idea that one religion is more dominant or more powerful in this country than another. I continued by pointing out that her belief in the preservation of life has sprouted from her religion and not everyone shares the same beliefs as her. It almost seemed as if she was disgusted or baffled even, by the idea of someone who did not/could not believe in God.
If you take away a woman's right to choose to abort a pregnancy, you also take away her freedom of religion. Women have come so far in the past 100 years, to take away a woman's right to choose is a taking a step backwards. Of course there was no persuading my friend, but I knew that prior to initiating the conversation. A strong faith in God tends to transcend all else; It even clouds and blinds people's perceptions of non-believers. I tried my very best to show her that religion should not mix with politics, but often does. I tried to illustrate how impossible it would be to submit to one person's religion without pissing off another individual's. In a country as vast and diverse as America, individuals such as my friend Bre need to be more tolerant and apprehending of the concept of separating church from state.
Feel free to disagree.
I will surely let your ideas coexist with my own.
Monday, January 19, 2009
jealousy
jealousy is a bitch...
so i hear. i've never had much experience with jealousy as hard as that may be to believe. i grew up an only child, and spoiled as a result of it. i grew up envying no one. and for what reason did i have to be jealous? i never went through divorce or poverty. i had a nice house, tons of toys, and a father with a weak spot who only knew how to make up his mistakes by purchasing me something... as if he could buy love. ironic, eh? it's peculiar to me how people react to jealousy. i've had the feeling explained to me many times, yet i don't fully understand the reaction to it. i do not know what separates me from everyone else. i've had cheating boyfriends; i've seen people with things i wish i had; i've watched the boy i adore be happy with someone else. i'm not trying to sound above anyone for not empathizing... i am by no means selfless or TOTALLY secure with myself. in fact, i am just like you except... and this may be hard to understand at first, but jealousy stimulates me. yes. it enhances comfort, makes me react. but not like everyone else reacts... i don't know how to say this without just saying it so excuse my blatancy, but jealousy makes me horny. seriously.
so i hear. i've never had much experience with jealousy as hard as that may be to believe. i grew up an only child, and spoiled as a result of it. i grew up envying no one. and for what reason did i have to be jealous? i never went through divorce or poverty. i had a nice house, tons of toys, and a father with a weak spot who only knew how to make up his mistakes by purchasing me something... as if he could buy love. ironic, eh? it's peculiar to me how people react to jealousy. i've had the feeling explained to me many times, yet i don't fully understand the reaction to it. i do not know what separates me from everyone else. i've had cheating boyfriends; i've seen people with things i wish i had; i've watched the boy i adore be happy with someone else. i'm not trying to sound above anyone for not empathizing... i am by no means selfless or TOTALLY secure with myself. in fact, i am just like you except... and this may be hard to understand at first, but jealousy stimulates me. yes. it enhances comfort, makes me react. but not like everyone else reacts... i don't know how to say this without just saying it so excuse my blatancy, but jealousy makes me horny. seriously.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
here lies truth.
I don't aim to harness happiness; I only wish to be content.
I want to write a book, but it's not clear to me what it will be about, yet. After all, who's to say whether my story is one that is worth telling? There is no tale of true love, no clear plot, no consistent characters to be developed, no heroic savior, nor any life lessons that were ever fully adapted... my life is an intricate web of confusion, inconsistency, transient people, self-doubt, etc. it'd be difficult enough to put into words, but even more so just to be understood by an outside entity.
If anything, my story is one of insanity and obscure observations. It amazes me how much you can learn from someone just by watching them closely for a few short minutes... yet it also repulses me. Humans are so quick to claim to be some complex formula yet their actions, body language, facial expressions... so easily depicted and manipulated. I prefer to converse with reclusive bitches off the deep end (which may explain my passion for clinical psychology). For the most part, my mind is an inescapable maze, full of fun house mirrors that distort reality and show the person looking into those mirrors not so "fun"-looking reflections.
i will point out your flaws and show you what a piece of shit you are, but don't misconstrue criticism for pride. I am a realist, and say what you will, but I believe your vices will always outweigh your virtues. my vices are as easily identifiable as yours: my skin is so heavy and strange to me. i feel like an entity trapped in my own body. my eyes are the glass windows separating the sane from the insanity. I am a by-product of a useless gene pool, the tip-top of a compost pile of the garbage we call society. I am the epitome of depreciation of the human mind. I am losing my value with every tick of the condescending clock.
and the mantra plays on.
goodnight world.
I want to write a book, but it's not clear to me what it will be about, yet. After all, who's to say whether my story is one that is worth telling? There is no tale of true love, no clear plot, no consistent characters to be developed, no heroic savior, nor any life lessons that were ever fully adapted... my life is an intricate web of confusion, inconsistency, transient people, self-doubt, etc. it'd be difficult enough to put into words, but even more so just to be understood by an outside entity.
If anything, my story is one of insanity and obscure observations. It amazes me how much you can learn from someone just by watching them closely for a few short minutes... yet it also repulses me. Humans are so quick to claim to be some complex formula yet their actions, body language, facial expressions... so easily depicted and manipulated. I prefer to converse with reclusive bitches off the deep end (which may explain my passion for clinical psychology). For the most part, my mind is an inescapable maze, full of fun house mirrors that distort reality and show the person looking into those mirrors not so "fun"-looking reflections.
i will point out your flaws and show you what a piece of shit you are, but don't misconstrue criticism for pride. I am a realist, and say what you will, but I believe your vices will always outweigh your virtues. my vices are as easily identifiable as yours: my skin is so heavy and strange to me. i feel like an entity trapped in my own body. my eyes are the glass windows separating the sane from the insanity. I am a by-product of a useless gene pool, the tip-top of a compost pile of the garbage we call society. I am the epitome of depreciation of the human mind. I am losing my value with every tick of the condescending clock.
and the mantra plays on.
goodnight world.
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