jealousy

jealousy is a bitch...


so i hear. i've never had much experience with jealousy as hard as that may be to believe. i grew up an only child, and spoiled as a result of it. i grew up envying no one. and for what reason did i have to be jealous? i never went through divorce or poverty. i had a nice house, tons of toys, and a father with a weak spot who only knew how to make up his mistakes by purchasing me something... as if he could buy love. ironic, eh? it's peculiar to me how people react to jealousy. i've had the feeling explained to me many times, yet i don't fully understand the reaction to it. i do not know what separates me from everyone else. i've had cheating boyfriends; i've seen people with things i wish i had; i've watched the boy i adore be happy with someone else. i'm not trying to sound above anyone for not empathizing... i am by no means selfless or TOTALLY secure with myself. in fact, i am just like you except... and this may be hard to understand at first, but jealousy stimulates me. yes. it enhances comfort, makes me react. but not like everyone else reacts... i don't know how to say this without just saying it so excuse my blatancy, but jealousy makes me horny. seriously.